Monday, November 24, 2003 Oh, nuh-uh!
I was just wasting time online, taking a break from the play novel on which I am woefully behind, and I found out that Jonathon Brandiscommitted sucide.
He was just 27. If he had just come and been my boyfriend, as I had hoped and prayed, when I was 12, maybe he could have been happy after all. He was so cute. My friend Katie had all the Tiger Beat pin-ups of him. I never did, because that seemed a little weird, and even at the height of middle school goofiness, I always pursued a minimalist look in home decor. Still, I was jealous of Katie's pin-up collection.
I was also irritated with her for her undiscerning taste, because she also had picture of, like, the kids from Home Improvement.
Jesus. We sat through Ladybugs, and I'm talking about more than once, here, just to watch him and project little pink pre-teen love hearts into the air over our heads.
I feel kind of shitty posting about this, like maybe I'm trivializing this kid's life and death: "Oh, young man, your life was not in vain. You will live on in a thousand blogs. You rocked so hard in Seaquest, DSV."
But still, I think about this guy's life, and how fucking surreal it must have been. "OK, guy, we need to shoot another hundred photos of you lounging poolside. Mr. Tiger Beat's mother needs an operation," and to spend your teen years having middle school girls catapulting themselves at you...and then to have that kind of...abruptly stop.
Yowch. I'm having a hard enough time adjusting to not being a college writing jock anymore.
I keep thinking of all those waves of unrequited middle school love, which is the most toxic and potent of all forms of affection, pulsing up to the stratosphere and then back down again in some kind of secret crush water cycle. That's probably equivalent to starting each day with a hearty chest x-ray and a snack of paint chips, as far as one's mental health goes. That, and forever being linked with a sassy dolphin.
Still. I wish I were linked with a sassy dolphin. It's not a bad thing.
I don't have any kind of sizzlin' "kicker" today. Poor guy.
posted by Frenz | 11/24/2003 01:26:00 AM
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