Friday, June 18, 2004 What they were paying them for
Yesterday I titled my post with a rhetorical question, but I've slept on it, and I realize now that it's patently miraculous that my guidance counselors didn't steer me right into pony cart school, street performance, or chat room trolling.
Here is a brief overview of what, whether this was their intention or not, the heads of my schools were paying the guidance counselors to do.
1. Counselor D. This was an arty magnet school, so everyone went by his or her first name. I cannot recall that D. had an office. Instead, he could be found strolling through the halls of the school, or to the smoking area in the back parking lot, buttonholing students at random. "Do you know what happened to the widemouthed frog?" he'd say. Or "meringue is on my finger." He'd say these things because he was Southern, and effin' crazy.
When a student was college-bound or had been expelled and had to seek a new school, it was D's job to convert the written evaluations we received into a letter-grade transcript. Students he liked received straight "A"s, regardless of how their evaluations read. When I left that school, D. was mad at me for going. Still, I received a decent, if implausible transcript of straight "B"s.
2. Mr. T. taught English and several electives as well as assisting students with their course schedules, helping them pick colleges, and brooding silently. He generally wore a Satanic half-smile. Sometimes, he would openly insult students, and they never noticed. Mr. T. called all students, even the fluffiest of the fluffy girls, by their last names. Mr. T seemed to like it when students showed gumption, so I made a point of heckling him a little. Once my friend K. went too far, and she swears he lifted her by her backpack and threw her into the hall. For years I felt like I'd struck a perfect balance between mouthing off and being a reasonable student, because Mr. T. never threw me into the hall! But now I recall that it was he who directed me towards my pretentious ol' cow college, and I wonder who had the last laugh. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 6/18/2004 08:31:00 AM
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