Wednesday, October 27, 2004 "Agent Starling, we'll need you to check the pro-ana communities."*
My favorite consequences of the bat-shit insanity that overtook a whole lot of people after 9/11 are the small things. I like the beeping of metal detectors, the creaking of kevlar body armor, and mustaches. I like yellow ribbons, special edition Precious Moments figurines, and knowing that a lot of different people are allowed to shoot me if they get scared.
Best, best, best of all, though, is something I realized tonight: thanks to heightened security, the FBI and other government agencies now have to scan fanfiction for subversive material.
This link sends you to someone's internet diary. It tells about the way the government is allowed to say "That's not funny," if you get a little uppity with your satire on the internet. A couple of Secret Service agents visited this person and his or her parents' at home, had some coffee, and accused this person of threatening the life of the president in this same internet diary. After a while, they realized this person was not a threat, and said goodbye: the thing is, the internet diarist now has an FBI file. That could mean nothing. Hell, I could have an FBI file, and so could you. (I could check that out under the Freedom of Information Act, but that costs money, and besides, I prefer to do things the old-fashioned way. I'm just going to see if I'm allowed on the plane the next time I want to fly anywhere.) Still, depending on what jobs or freedoms this person may want in the future, an FBI file can be a real drag.
This is the second person I've heard of who's suffered consequences due to flippancy online: my own favorite sociopath was recently fired from a temporary clerical job for joking that, due to the nature of this job, he could "swing ____ County, Nevada," in the upcoming election, and that he was taking bids. Back to the rake factory for you, funny guy.
Don't get depressed: think of all the bright young people who grew up with a healthy respect for the law and for the US Government, who studied hard and majored in criminal justice, never got arrested for pot or littering, took their tests, aced their interviews and finally made it into the FBI, thinking they were going to take down Osama Bin Laden or catch the next Ted Bundy, or both. All these eager young Liddies report to work for the first day, and their dour supervisor (perhaps known as "the Old Man") says, "OK, are you familiar with LiveJournal?"
Oh, you poor suckers. According to the link, this particular online diarist was turned in by a concerned citizen who saw the satrirical anti-Bush post. To wit: whenever some crackpot decides to tattle on somebody who's said mean things on the internet, the FBI has to check it out. And you know what else? I'm betting that they have to read ALL the journal entries, to see if the incident of insensitivity to President Butthead's emotions is part of a repeated pattern. That means reading months or years of someone's posts about break-ups, what they ate for dinner, and having fat days. That means fan fiction, crushes on classmates or co-workers, and fights with moms. Song lyrics, reposted in their entirety. Prom pictures. Gushy posts about cats and kids. Oh, FBI men and ladies, nobody knows what you've been through.
Rest easy, America: LiveJournal is securely patrolled. Maybe those missing Iraqi explosives will turn up on there eventually.
*Thanks to Licketysplit at Vomitola for the subject line. posted by Frenz | 10/27/2004 08:19:00 PM
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