Saturday, March 11, 2006 Doors closing
Today I was riding the DC Metro from the bottom of the Orange line to the top of the Green, because a friend of mine just got back from Australia and was throwing himself a welcome back party, and also because the damn MARC train doesn't run on the damn weekends, which is basically the only damn time I ever want to go to the damn DC damn metro area damn, so I had to do the Metro to commuter bus to light rail combination to get home.
I was very tired, and I had just started out. This bunch of stooges in some sort of sports jerseys and their stoogalettes in too much foundation moved directly in front of the train's doors when it pulled up to the station. They stood and tried to decide whether to get on or to wait for friends. People had to shove by them, and they still didn't move.
I got on and took a seat, and the doors closed. Immediately, someone in back of the train began to make high-pitched yelping noises. I felt guilty for judging the guys in the sports jerseys like I had. The yelps matched exactly the noises a young man who was "tetched in the head" would make whenever he came in for a haircut at my old job. Obviously, one or all of these young men were also tetched, and it was wrong to think ill of them.
The yelper changed his tune and began bellowing "Fuck!" instead. I didn't turn around, because it is impolite to stare.
He kept going. People in the seats around me started to peek over their shoulders, and then they started to act all shocked.
"No, dude, it's my arm, my fucking arm!" the stooge yelled. I finally looked, only to find that the stooge was trapped in the closed doors of the metro car.
I got a little bit interested. I wondered if his arm would get ripped off before my very eyes.
The stoogalettes and his bro stooges began to panic. They yanked on him. They screamed. The conductor announced on the loudspeaker that no one was to insert objects into the doors, and the bellowing got louder. For five glorious minutes, this jerk learned a valuable lesson about ettiquette and prudence. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 3/11/2006 07:25:00 PM
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