Wednesday, August 30, 2006 What do you do?
On my walk to the train this afternoon, I passed a guy who might have been dead, but I think he was just sleeping motionless on the sidewalk with his hands clutched between his knees. Sometimes that occurs to me, too, but he'd taken his shoes off and set them neatly beside him, a flourish which never would have crossed my mind.
The next person I passed on the ground, about 20 yards later was not dead, because he or she (long hair, face covered with an arm in a sling) was twitching a little. That person was at such an odd angle that I wonder if he or she rolled down the hill before passing out.
It feels a little rude to walk by people lying on the ground and not know if they're alive or dead, or if they've just fallen a pretty long way. I gotta say.
It's strange to be walking and taking transit everywhere again. It feels like two summers ago all over again, except two summers ago, I didn't have a job (except towards the end), and I didn't know many people in town. Now I have a job, and I know all kinds of people, and I'm less terrified of this city, but I've still been hiding a little bit. Like, what have you done for me lately, socialbility? The times I've been happiest lately have been when I've been alone somewhere along with a crowd of pleasant strangers who are probably not dead. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 8/30/2006 11:59:00 PM
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The clown looks just like you'd expect, honestly
Who's the genius who has to get up for an opening shift in the cafe tomorrow, yet is not yet in bed? Can't chain me, common sense. Can't even try. If you had your way, common sense, I wouldn't be working in the food service industry at all, now would I? That's what I thought.
I know y'all are sick of hearing about my alien children, vast internet readership, but they are multiplying rapidly, and soon I'm going to squish them all together and carve them into a best friend. All I have to do is continually moisten my new best friend with sweet tea so that he and she can eat and breathe, a small price to pay.
One of the kombaliens is ready to go to a new host. Since a bunch of my (obviously crazy insane-o) co-workers have said they want one, I've packaged it to take with me soon. It's packaged holistically, in a container that once held cotton candy from the fancy grocery store. People on the train will see me standing there (I don't sit, because I am a snob), holding this flimsy tupperware that seems to contain a human organ and some cider. The container will be decorated with a picture of a bemused clown, and the clown will be holding baloons. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 8/30/2006 01:49:00 AM
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Sunday, August 27, 2006 I've been shopping
This afternoon, I went shopping at the thrift store near my house. They've added a fitting room, so you don't have to hunt for a deserted aisle to change in. Of course, the fitting room has no door at all on one side and a door made of translucent curtains on the other.
A couple of women who were in there before I was were shocked. "It's all open," one said. I said, "OK," and I took off my pants. I do that sometimes.
The funny thing about stripping down to your underwear with strangers is that there is no way to avoid awkwardness other than instant friendship. "Do these pants look too short?" "No, not if you always wear them with sandals like that." "But I have to wear them with a two-inch heel." "Stand up a little? No, no. I think with a heel, they're going to look funny, unfortunately." "Yes, unfortunately."
It's a great store for the unsolicited opinions of strangers, as well as narration for invisible television cameras. "Now, look at that. She got a nice little sundress. That is a pretty dress." "I like it, but it's a little too tight." "You just gotta work it."
(The sundress commentary led me to buy a dress that is indeed pretty, but in the cold light of home is obviously meant for a child or "tween" rather than a zaftig young zeppelin like myself. I am just going to have to work it, because some lady told me so.) posted by Frenzy Lohan | 8/27/2006 10:54:00 PM
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Thursday, August 24, 2006 Wednesday in review
Something's wrong with one of the bearings in my skate wheels, so I'm beginning to sound more and more like a chopper. I realize this is screwing with my speed and maneuverability, but I kind of like the sound effects, which remind me of the Bill Cosby routine about building cars with stolen baby coach wheels.
I guess I'm Old Weird Harold if the analogy holds, if I'm anyone. If I recall correctly, his theme music was the William Tell Overture. They don't play it for me or anything, but mine in my heart, mine is "Yakety Sax", which is also the theme from the Benny Hill show.
No jackpot at the subway station today, but I am getting better at standing up on the train. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 8/24/2006 02:01:00 AM
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Wednesday, August 23, 2006 That's outrageous!
On the way to work in the mornings, I ride the subway standing up, without holding on to the rails. I am trying to improve my balance, but I'm afraid my fellow comuters think I'm a snob.
Some further subway background: some aspect of every subway station in Baltimore is always broken, repaired, and re-broken. For example, the ticket machines at the station near my house are functioning, but only for single-trip tickets. Also, they only accept coins, and all the change machines are broken. Better still, one machine only accepts certain coins. Denomination doesn't seem to matter: I think it has to do with "vibes". Depending on how much the person before has forgotten to check for and how much the machine spits back at me after I get my ticket, I get from about five to twenty cents off my ride each morning. It's like playing the slots, and I think of that one machine as "Jackpot".
This morning, though, some jerk walked right in front of me and stole my place at Jackpot. I was afraid I'd miss my train, so I went to the ticket machine next to him and shot dirty looks as I bought my ticket with no magic rebate. He'd taken his ticket, and I heard Jackpot winding up to spit out some money. The jerk turned back and looked, and I watched him watch as a new record high of a dime and a quarter plonked out of the change slot.
He stared at it for a second, then turned and walked away. Just as I was about to reach out and take the money, a woman walked up and stared at the money in the change tray. Then she shook her head and walked away to another machine. I don't understand people sometimes. I took the money. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 8/23/2006 12:02:00 AM
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Sunday, August 20, 2006 News you can use.
My alien baby flourishes! It's getting old and tattered, but it just gave birth to another live-culture alien, who is big and strong and bursting with the disgustingness of the truly healthy product. They feel like skin when you pick them up.
The playoff bout is in a few hours, and it's time to go and glue rhinestones to my face like the athlete that I am. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 8/20/2006 01:59:00 PM
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Saturday, August 19, 2006 FYI
Today I went in a moon bounce shaped like a castle. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 8/19/2006 11:00:00 PM
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Sunday, August 13, 2006 Here's What's New!
Look, I know I never update, but that's OK. You don't want to know.
Least to most:
-My alien fungus baby is being obstinate, and I don't think it's fermenting the way I'd been promised (by the wingnut who sent it to me) that it would. Why would a devotee of questionable health crazes give me faulty information??
-Tickets on sale now for the next bout buy them here. Maybe if you go, you'll see my mother. Somehow, you'll know.
-Tracy and I broke up a few days ago. I don't know what else to say. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 8/13/2006 06:26:00 PM
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Monday, August 07, 2006 My alien baby
The day before yesterday, I went on the internet and convinced a stranger in Newport News, VA to send me live kombucha culture. From what I can tell, this is a great big pancake of friendly bacteria. Notes from my supplier lead me to believe that it will arrive sloshing around in a Powerade bottle. This is a world of wonders.
Kombucha is a fermented tea beverage that is supposed to fix everything that's wrong with you, put a spring in your step, and make your coat shiny. Kombucha tastes grosser than gross, which is the main reason I want to make my own.
A ton of my co-workers swear by it, so I've become curious, but the stuff costs three dollars a bottle at Whole Foods, and I can't pay that much for something that I have to will myself to drink.
So far, my step and my coat are just about the same as always, and nobody has commented that there's anything less wrong with me than usual. It's OK, though, because my alien baby will be here any day, and I will keep it in a jar forever. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 8/07/2006 01:50:00 AM
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