Tuesday, November 28, 2006 The story of the time I met the hardwood floor
Well, the cat didn't fall in the pancake batter, but she saw this a-larming/mazing item, and she got puffed up like a balloon and floated away.
I know I promised to tell you about Laura Ingalls Wilder, but I am sore and weary, because people knock me down a lot, and so you will have to wait.
I'll tell you soon, if the bulk trash collectors don't get carried away and take the backyard with them when they pick up the broken Ikea furniture that my house is returning to its alley of origin. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 11/28/2006 08:34:00 PM
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Monday, November 27, 2006 Ghosts and writers
The other day, in response to an onslaught of reader demand, I started doing a little research on Laura Ingalls Wilder, pioneer girl out of control.
Before that, though, I was doing some research on Uncle Wiggily. Rather, I was looking for a funny picture to post on my high school buddy Kat's [Unreasonably Popular Social Networking Site] page. She'd gotten me first, with a picture of Wilfred Brimley shooting lasers from his eyes. It was captioned, "DIABEETUS."
I was really looking for a picture of a character, Bad Pip Sissywah, who may have sprung fully formed from the brain of the late Dr. Snead, one of the world's most entertaining and least explicable high school teachers.
The good doctor would routinely stop, mid-lesson, mid-sentence, and say something like, "Well, that's a bad one, ain't it? Baaad, bad. Bad Pip Sissywah, he shivered and shook. Old Uncle Wiggily, four hops he took!" Once the room was properly dumbfounded, he would return to the lesson.
The best part is, he was a math teacher.
He taught Math Analysis, which was a softball math course for those of us who who were too easy-going for Trig. Or Calculus. I forget which was supposed to come first. It was a senior level course, 90% jock, 10% poet. Dr. Snead would say, "Once when I was coaching the (name of pretty prominent school) basketball team, we had a bwah who was so dumb, we called him, 'Fish.'" and the jocks would say, "Pull my finger." Best of all, I had some close calls to failing that class. I would forget which position "Fish" had played at quiz time. (Trick question: Fish was clearly the goon, so it didn't matter.)
My friend took the same class the year before I had, and so Dr. Sneadisms can still crack us up to this day. That man left a legacy.
Anyway, when I was looking for Uncle Wiggily boardgame pictures, I found entire Uncle Wiggily books online, and I loved them! I wish I'd written them. I might have written them! Just as many associative leaps, single-entendres, and talking animals as my own writing, but less swearing and more references to Decoration Day and "the rag man."
So, in the spirit of Uncle Wiggily, I will close like this:
Now, if the cat doesn't fall in the pancake batter and get pawprints all in the maple syrup, I'll tell you in the next blog post what this has to do with Laura Ingalls Wilder! posted by Frenzy Lohan | 11/27/2006 06:32:00 PM
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Monday, November 20, 2006 Can't post: too busy w/glamor, violence
Last night the Mobtown Maulers, the travel team of the Charm City Roller Girls trounced Virginia Beach's Dominion Derby Girls with an unprecedented final score of 244-61. The astute reader will notice that our score quadrupled theirs exactly.
They fought hard, and someone will probably trounce us in our turn soon, but it's nice to be untrounced for now.
I took a hard fall, and although I have no visible bruise from it, my hip ain't right. It's getting righter, though, and everything will be fine. Towards the end of the third period, I flew into the audience and kicked the shit out of somebody's Pepsi, so I had to skate back with wet leg.
This became relevant the next time I fell, and more so the next time, where I skated over the spot where I had fallen previously and skidded out on the wet spot from the Pepsi.
In case you would like to see anyone quadruple a score or fall or kick a Pepsi, here's the Mobtown Maulers' schedule.
1) November 19th – Dominion Derby Girls (Virginia) – HOME
2) January 7th – Carolina Roller Girls (North Carolina) – HOME
3) February 11th – HARD (Harrisburg, PA) – AWAY
4) February 25th – Gem City Roller Girls (Ohio) – HOME
5) March 4th – Long Island Roller Rebels (NY) – HOME
6) March 18th – Chi Town Sirens Roller Derby (IL) – AWAY
7) April 15th – Philly Rollergirls – HOME: This is an exhibition scrimmage where all four regular CCRG teams will play all four regular Philly Roller Girls teams according to last season's rankings.
And me, babies? Sometimes people I don't share a town with ask me, "How's stuff other than roller derby?" and I ROFL like it's 1997. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 11/20/2006 06:12:00 PM
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Saturday, November 11, 2006 The big lake never gives up her dead
*Good afternoon, my beautiful goths. I need a favor.
Go to my hilarious sister's hilarious blog. A family that's going through some rough times needs some money, and we live in a world where viewing sponsored links will produce that faster than say, a bakesale. (You'll have to trust my sister to give that money to the needy in question, but I think she will, because what a weird, oblique scam it would be to fabricate them just for some blog revenue.)
*Today is Edmund Fitzgerald day. Thanks to Leah's mom for reminding me.
*Mobtown Maulers' bout on Sunday, November 19. Doors at 5:00, bout at 6:00. Regret at not going lifelong. Don't miss it.
*Speaking of, faithful readers may have noticed that my posting name is now Frenzy Lohan. Maybe it's emblematic of the way that Women's Flat Track Derby has eaten my little life, but maybe it means that I was too lazy to set up another account with which to contribute to Charm City Roller Girls: The Blog! If you find the chairs in your internet look empty and bare without me, go on over there and see what I and others have written about turning left and hitting people and the lifestyle that goes with it.
[ETA: It is no longer Edmund Fitzgerald day. It is Armistice day instead, so start trucin'.] posted by Frenzy Lohan | 11/11/2006 06:47:00 PM
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Thursday, November 02, 2006 Gothic Beauty
In April or March, I started bugging the editor of Gothic Beauty to feature the Night Terrors, and today, I hold a copy of the magazine in my hands (not just now, though, because I am typing, but it is nearby), including the article and photo.
It's from our very first shoot. Check it out, because it's hilarious. I know Atomic has copies. posted by Frenzy Lohan | 11/02/2006 05:35:00 PM
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